Lesson 13: Anger

Anger comes only in response to hurts, frustration or threats.

Most people believe that anger exists on its own, and that some people are just angry, while others are not. This is wrong. Fear is our primary survival emotion. Anger is also a survival emotion because it is the emotional energy for aggression, but it is secondary to fear, which almost always comes in some form before it. It is converted fear when any living being can’t flee and is cornered into fighting. And, in the case of humans, fighting often happens through words.

Anger also comes in the aftermath of being frustrated by something. The frustration is a form of lower level fear than the fear caused by threats to our safety because it comes when there is a threat of losing or not getting something we want. This frustration results in anger towards the thing that thwarts us, which is often another person.

Anger also comes when we are hurt, even if the hurt is accidental and no-one’s fault, because it means inconvenience, delay or loss of something, a reaction similar to that of being frustrated. When we can’t blame others or nature, we tend to get angry at ourselves.

Hurt occurs in many ways, accidentally, or intentionally by someone. This happens in relationships, especially in a breakup, on jobs by being fired or somehow being discounted, and often through statements and remarks by others. Feeling criticized, ridiculed or wrongly labeled falls in this category.

People who have been hurt, frustrated or threatened long enough, as in a bad childhood where there was no ability to fight back or be protected, tend to develop an angry tendency as a way of life. Even they usually only react with anger when they feel similar hurts, frustrations or threats. They’re the ones who appeared to be supersensitive to things.

So, what this means is that we would be much more understanding of each other if, rather than just reacting to the anger of another person with defensiveness or our own anger, we try to look behind the anger to see what may have caused it. It could solve many problems that often end in pain or hurt.